


wait

by MithrilWren



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Ficlet, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 14:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21272888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MithrilWren/pseuds/MithrilWren
Summary: [Spoilers for Episode 83]Did she mean to do it?Did she mean to die?





	wait

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thing, a means to process post-stressful-episode emotions. (What better way than fic, really?)

Did she mean to do it? 

Did she mean to die?

—

The first death was a noisy affair. The rushing of the river, pounding current against rocks, thrashing limbs, rough voices and shouts amid bitter laughter, all muddled into the brief moments she managed to force her head above water. It took a long time. It hurt. It _hurt_.

The second time was quick. A whispered word, a moment of pain, a peaceful quiet. And then waking up in Caleb’s arms, held. Safe. Not alone. 

That’s a better way to go, isn’t it? 

She knew this was coming, one way or the other. It’s practice for the main event, when Caleb takes her life for the final time and brings her back just as she was. Or at least, that was the plan. Now he has books, with spells that might serve the need. Now they have Halas, who knows so much, who could be persuaded to help. Maybe.

It’s funny - she thought for so long that there was no one more powerful than Caleb. But here, within the belly of a beast of nightmares, they’ve found a mage who could have the answer. 

He could save her.

He might not even need to kill her to do it.

—

Caleb’s angry with her. She was reckless. She didn’t check. He was telling her to check, and she didn’t understand, and so she died, and now he’s angry. She didn’t know what he was trying to say. She wasn’t listening hard enough. 

_I know you all have my back, but nobody has my front._

Maybe he’s the one who hasn’t been listening. 

Maybe she’s a bit angry too.

—

Did she mean to do it?

No. Of course not. 

She _didn’t_.

Only-

She didn’t check.

She didn’t _want_ to check.

That says something, doesn’t it?

—

Caleb says to wait. He’ll figure it out. One more month, one more year. One more lifetime. Then he’ll be ready. 

Nott holds the stone in her palms. The eyes reflected in its ruby sheen are yellow. Maybe his. Maybe hers.

Veth’s eyes used to be brown. 

Every day, waking up like this… 

It doesn’t feel like living.

—

_Halas?_

_Halas, are you there?_

_I think I’d like to make that deal._


End file.
